The blog

Rogue One is the first Star Wars spin-off film in out post-episode-seven world. It bridges the gap between episode 3 (Revenge of the Sith) and episode 4 (A New Hope), telling the story of how the rebellion gets its hands on the plans for the Death Star. The first thing to note is that the opening and music are both noticeably different and similar to the core films, helping cement the fact that this is a spin-off. The film has 3 distinct acts, each of which is focused on a different planet, though there are more than 3, the others bridging or being repeated through the acts. The first criticism of the film is that I spent a lot of the first act trying to decide which was less convincing - the lead actress, or a particular CG homunculus. 1 The overall Nazi imagery has subtly increased again - "They have a child, find it !" cries the villain. I greatly appreciate the addition to the Star Wars lore that the film provides - e.g. the Empire are mining Kyber crystals (whic...

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them is a Harry Potter spin-off where Eddie Redmayne plays Newt Scamander (who I really want to call Scaramanga) visiting New York in 1926 with a suitcase full of magical creatures. Due to a mix up with a wannabe baker (Kowalski, played by Dan Fogler), some of the beasts escape, and Newt needs to get them back. Also in New York at that point in time is a religious cult, some almost-Amish people, referred to as "The Second Salemers" - as you can probably tell from the name, they claim that witches and wizards exist, and they hunt them. At the same time, the Magical Congress of the United States of America (MACUSA) have rules to prevent normal people (NoMaj-es) from finding out about the magical community. this division is under threat due to the dark wizard Grimwald and his followers, who are causing havoc that is difficult to cover up. As such, it's rather critical that Newt finds the beasts, both to prevent muggles finding out abo...

The Accountant has an excellent cast, led by Ben Affleck as an autistic savant. Using his skills he's become an accountant, often using an alias and being hired by criminal organisations. As JK Simmons (as an agent for the US Treasury) puts it: Imagine that you launder huge sums of money. You keep a record of transactions, but most of it is hidden behind codes and euphemisms. Then suddenly you find that some of the money has gone missing somewhere. Ben Affleck is the man you hire to come in and look at your accounts to see where the money has gone. He gets hired by a robotics company (owned by John Lithgow), after Anna Kendrick has noticed something strange about the accounts. Amongst this JK Simmons has put another agent (played by Cynthia Addai-Robbinson) in charge of the investigation into exactly who the accountant is, and That-guy-who-was-in-the-walking-dead-and-is-now-the-punisher (Jon Bernthal, I had to look that up) is a mercenary involved with businesses of some descr...

While I do swear more than I should in real life, I try to avoid it here. I mention this because I want you to appreciate how sincere I am when I say: This film is fucking awful. It's really, unbelievably bad. During the events of Man of Steel, Bruce Wayne (played by Ben Affleck) was rescuing his employees from collapsing buildings in Metropolis, which has planted a seed of fear and hate for Superman in his mind. Lex Luthor has found some Kryptonite off the coast of some tropical location, and is shipping it to himself in Metropolis. Bruce Wayne, somehow knows this (but, hey, Batman is meant to be the worlds greatest detective, who avoids killing his opponents as much as possible) so goes to a party at Luthor's mansion, and hacks into his computer to find out when the shipment is (keep in mind, he's hacking into the computer of a private citizen who has, as far as he knows, committed no crimes) What follows is an exceedingly long sequence of Batman trying to get the...

This latest Marvel entry stars Benedict Cumberbatch as the titular Dr Steven Strange, a brilliant but arrogant surgeon, who gets maimed in a car accident, ending his career. Desperate for a solution, he eventually comes to a temple in Nepal, where Tilda Swinton portrays "The Ancient One". There he learns to open his mind to the concept of magic, and trains to master it. The temple was recently victim to a theft by Mads Mikklesen, who hopes to unleash eldritch horrors upon the world. Essentially, it fits the same mould of some other origin stories where an arrogant person needs to learn humility in the face of something spiritual, except rather than anything religious it's black magic and utterly mind-bending special effects. Seriously, it's as if Inception was mixed with LSD, somehow. For the most part they are brilliant, but there are a small handful of effects which look poor, and could break your immersion. The acting is excellent, with a script that is witt...

You may remember the previous two Dan Brown films - "The DaVinci Code" and "Angels and Demons" In The DaVinci Code, Tom Hanks solved some puzzle left be Leonardo DaVinci that lead to a great secret that had absolutely no effect on reality or society at all. In Angels and Demons, Ewan McGregor distracted Tom Hanks so that he could use a visible amount of anti-matter to blow up the Vatican (as well as, presumably, the entire Eurasian continent) Now after a 7 year gap, Tom Hanks reprises his role as Professor Robert "Layton" Langdon in Inferno. The story is that a billionaire who gave a non-copyright-or-trademark-infringing Ted talk stating that humanity is facing a huge problem due to overpopulation has died after jumping from a tower which he was chased up. The professor has woken up with amnesia, and is unable to remember the past few days, but what is evident is that there is a solution to the overpopulation problem put in place. Is the professor g...

"Ja, Kreacher!" is a German Harry Potter spin-off, about house-elves managing a the household of one of the higher-ups in the Ministry of Magic. On the other hand, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is a film starring Tom Cruise and Colby Smulders. Jack Reacher used to be a major in the army (which he is constantly reminded of) and Smulders is his successor. However, two of her subordinates have been murdered, and she has been arrested for the crime. Now it's up to Jack to figure out what's going on, and sort it out. While the story is itself a bit generic, a usual failing of similar films is that they don't flow. This film flows very well - all of the events make sense and lead into one another, without any leaps of logic, or characters mysteriously teleporting or knowing things they shouldn't. Tom Cruise is charismatic as always, while also playing a character who is a bit of an arsehole (presumably due to spending a lifetime in the military) - Smulders' ...

The Magnificent Seven (2016) is a remake of The Magnificent Seven (1960), which is a remake of Seven Samurai by Akira Kurisawa, which is in turn heavily inspired by the Wild West genre. As such, it is perfectly understandable if the viewer feels that The Magnificent Seven (2016) feels that the story beats are familiar, or even generic. The premise of the film is that there is a particular town which is almost under siege by the owner of a mining company. His cronies are sheriff deputies, they are apparently poisoning the water supply, gunning down people in the street, and intimidating the residents into selling their land for far less than appropriate market value. As such, one of the residents seeks help and a group of seven characters, starting with Denzel Washington, get recruited into trying to save the town. The acting can only be described as top-tier, the action scenes are fantastically entertaining, and the special effects are so convincing you'd swear they're ...

The Infiltrator stars Bryan Cranston, John Leguizamo  and Amy Ryan as undercover CIA agents trying to take down Pablo Escabar's drug operation in the 1980s. The film is gripping from start to finish, a fascinating "true" story with completely believable characters. Bryan Cranston channels a little but of 'Walter "the best acting I've ever seen, signed Sir Anthony Hopkins" White', but most definitely more on the side of "good" (whilst also being a flawed human being trying to balance his work with his personal life) Honestly, all of the acting in the film was top notch. The soundtrack was incredible, and the sound design particularly stood out in how masterful it was. It's difficult to describe without spoiling what happens in the film, but it is really an example of brilliant film-making. Every single element is near flawless. Do yourself a favour and watch it.

War Dogs is based upon an interview in Rolling Stone magazine and stars Jonah Hill and Miles Teller (Mr Fantastic from Fanborestic) as Ephraim and David respectively. David works in Malibu as a masseuse around the time of the second gulf war, but meets up with his old friend from high school (Ephraim) and joins him in his small weapons contracting business called AEY. In the past most of the military contracts were given to companies associated with Dick Cheney, but since the corruption became public knowledge all of the contracts were put up for auction. While there is still insider trading with the biggest contracts, a lot of the smaller stuff gets ignored, which is where AEY comes in. Such small companies are considered to be feeding off the scraps of the war industry, they are called "War Dogs", hence the name of the film. The film is extremely funny, fascinating, and incredibly convincing as a true story. The actors all put in fantastic performances, and special men...

Sausage Party is an animated film written by Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill, and is about talking food. The premise and sense of humour is set up very efficiently, opening with a song about how they want to be taken by the Gods (human beings) to the Great Beyond (outside of the shop) where "We cannot possibly overstate how certain we are that nothing bad happens to us in the Great Beyond!" It's a difficult film to review, as I don't want to spoil any more jokes than I have - part of the hilarity coming from the punchlines being unexpected. It can be said to be a film about atheism, blaming pretty much all of the ills of the world on it. While I disagree (i.e. without religion, we'd still find whatever differences there are between people and use it as an excuse to fight) I do think it has a good message about blind faith versus evidence. In short, it's a thoughtful, foul-mouthed, raunchy-as-hell, hilarious comedy, and I enjoyed every single minute. If that so...

The BFG is a story written by Roald Dahl, which was adapted into an animated film in 1989, which I loved as a child. I think that my dad must have been a fan of the book, as it most definitely informed his patois as I was growing up. The story is about a young orphan named Sophie, who one night discovers a giant, who kidnaps her and takes her to the "Giant Country". While other giants want to eat humans, this giant is a perpetually disappointed vegetarian who gives people dreams. If you are unfamiliar with the story I don't want to spoil too much for you, but it's one that can be enjoyed by adults and kids of all ages. The new film, directed by Steven Spielberg seems to be a very faithful adaptation, much like the 1989 cartoon. The main differences being that it's live action, blatantly directed by Spielberg (though I can't put my finger on why), and does not feature a musical interlude about farting. If that sounds good to you, then I suggest you watc...

I haven't yet seen Batman vs Superman, but I have heard that the dour atmosphere didn't resonate with viewers, prompting a massive re-write of Suicide Squad. It shows. The first part of the film is spent setting up the characters, and it takes quite a while. The next part of the film is spent setting up the characters. Again. It, too, takes a while. Generally, the first act of the film is terrible. It has awful editing, largely noticeable by the very jarring changes in the soundtrack. It was also very evident that a large chunk of the soundtrack is made up of old songs, forcing them to the forefront. It is almost as if the film is simply an excuse to renew the licences on the songs. The main chunk of the film is actually quite solid and very enjoyable. Deadshot (Will Smith) and Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) are the main heart of the film, putting in genuinely good performances. Harley's relationship with the Joker (Jared Leto) is quite like what I remember from the ...

This is going to be difficult to pick apart, as it's a really solid and entertaining film. In fact, I would go so far as to say that Star Trek Beyond is the best live action Macross film I've ever seen. Seriously, they are incredibly similar: The protagonists are drawn into a fight with creatures that are somehow connected to humanity. Said creatures are focused entirely on conflict. Thus the film focuses about the question of whether peace or violence is better for the progress of the species. Of course, it is optimistic, saying that while violence is inevitable, peace is better and should be striven towards. Music is used as a weapon. People die, and it is genuinely touching. It is quite obvious that Simon Pegg wrote it, with a greater than usual emphasis on Scotty, and a joke which seems very reminiscent of Dr Who (when The Beatles were referred to as classical musicians) The film is not perfect, but I find it very difficult to think of any particula...

Before release When the new Ghostbusters film was announced, I saw the announcement surrounded with rhetoric that the all-female cast was to counter the "imbalance" or the first films. In my opinion, pushing equally hard in the opposite direction is not a way to be progressive. "Two wrongs don't make a right" as the adage says. Eventually the trailers came out, and they made the film look atrocious. They mention that "30 years ago New York was saved by 4 friends", pitching this film as a sequel. They featured a few jokes, most of which seemed incredibly unfunny. "How hilarious! She's implying that the ectoplasm went into her vagina! And she's a woman! A woman being crude is funny, right?!" You know, gross out humour that isn't funny in the first place, let alone when relying on the gender of the person for shock value (which would of course only actually shock people who haven't ever talked to a woman in their entire li...

The original Independence Day is a fun 3-hour film by Roland Emmerich released in 1996, wherein aliens attack Earth, but are defeated by Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith using a computer virus. This is a big plot-hole in the theatrical release, but was apparently covered in deleted scenes. It was a little bit flawed, but well put together and really enjoyable. Now, 20 years later, we have a sequel. The story is that Earth has implemented alien technology into our own, essentially becoming something like X-Com. We have achieved world peace, have fusion drives, and an outpost on the moon. Since the first film, all of the aliens on Earth have been catatonic due to not having their leader controlling them (except for some in Africa, which hunted humans, because this film doesn't want to be consistent). All of the characters who were psychically assaulted by the aliens in the first film have been having visions and headaches, and think the aliens are coming back. They do, and thing...

Dear Amazon, At the time of writing I am filled with anger and frustration. You see, I am a fan of the Zero Escape games, and I was very much looking forward to the release of the third one: Zero Time Dilemma. As is usually the case with these, there was a special edition announced which included the game and a replica of the watches the characters wear within it, for no extra cost. As usual, it was only available in the US, evidently being a deal with amazon.com specifically. Since I had no indulged in the watches for the previous games, I decided to do so this time, especially as it is the last in the series. So I placed my pre-order for the PSVita version (as the Nintendo 3DS is region-locked) within hours of being able to do so, on June 25th 2015. As I live in the UK, I then proceeded to live the following year without visiting Amazon.com at all (instead visiting the .co.uk version, which has different data) during which time my credit card expired (but I was sent a repl...

This year at E3 Nintendo demonstrated their newest Zelda game, Breath of the Wild. As soon as I saw the trailer I started theorising on when it takes place on the timeline, and it appears many other people have done the same, even making videos about it. Never one to not leap on a passing bandwagon, I'm tempted to make a video, but doing so takes a lot of time and effort. I'm definitely lacking in the former at the moment, so instead I'm writing this post. The Zelda timeline as written in the House Historia spurs into three due to Ocarina of Time: One where Link is defeated by Ganon/Ganondorf. One where Link defeats Ganon in the future, then disappears when he travels to the past. One where Link, now a child again, gets Ganondorf arrested and executed before he manages to actually commit a crime. As a side note, I find this a bit problematic. Twilight Princess takes place in that last timeline, and Ganondorf gets exiled to the Twilight dimension. However, since he wa...

I have not played any Warcraft game, with the exception of World of Warcraft, which is incredibly boring due to it's nature as an MMO. So when I went into Warcraft: The Beginning, I knew nothing about it, apart from it being based on the games and directed by David Bowie's son. The story is that the Orcs are coming to the (world? country? continent? dimension? planet? The film is very unclear) of Azeroth using "fell" magic, which requires living sacrifices to work and corrupts the areas in which it is used. The Orcs, being war-like, want to ravage and conquer, taking more prisoners so that they can bring yet more Orcs through. The current denizens of Azeroth, who are primarily human, are not fans of this idea. That's about as much as I can say without going entirely into spoiler territory. This is in part due to the fact that the film covers so much in it's two hour run-time that it seems incredibly rushed. It's an odd paradox, where the film feel...

Imagine me in 1991, 5 years old, watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Shredder has managed to get the same ooze that created the titular turtles, and is about to use it to create two mutant underlings. "I'm going to see Rocksteady and Bebop in a film!" I probably thought, excitedly. He uses the ooze, and everyone in the cinema is greeted by Count Duckula, and Man-bear-pig. Fast forward just under 25 years. I'm going to turn 30 very shortly, and I am sitting in the cinema again, seeing Bebop and Rocksteady on the big screen, and having my seat intermittently kicked by some little shit young child who evidently has no manners. Dreams do come true, but they're never perfect, and often quite late. Much like getting Lego Sonic the Hedgehog. I think I should specify some important context: I do not care for Michael Bay. At all. I remember enjoying The Rock, but I wouldn't say it's memorable. I think I...

X-men: Apocalypse is an interesting film, partially in how it can be compared to Captain America 3, which was released at roughly the same time. Whereas Captain America was, as described by some outlets, a political thriller disguised as an action film, X-men is undoubtedly and unashamedly a popcorn action film. This is not to say it isn't a good film, though. It knows what it wants to do, and does it well. Mostly. The film sees the latest iteration of the X-men cast (Fassbender et al) facing off against the semi-titular villain. Semi-titular because, though he is known as Apocalypse in the comics, cartoon, and games, in this film he is known exclusively as En Sabah Nur. He is a mutant, possibly the first one, who transfers himself between bodies, absorbing the abilities of the mutant he transfers into in the process. This is done using some kind of gigantic machine, which seems to be less of him using a mutant ability to transfer (which one would presume would not requi...

Captain America: Civil War is thankfully not called Captain Am3rica despite being the third one. One of the things I particularly like about (some of) the Disney-Marvel films is how, despite being "childish comic book shite", they don't shy away from considering complex ethical or political issues. This is one of those films. The film starts off with an action scene, making excessive use of shaky-cam. I would also be struggling (and possibly arrested) were I chasing after Scarlett Johansen as fast as the camera-man was. The team are chasing after a group of terrorists stealing a McGuffin (that literally never gets explained) and there is some collateral damage. Due to this, and the Avenger's previous adventures, they are deemed by the world at large to be too dangerous, and thus they are asked to become controlled by the UN or to retire. That's right, it's not the "superhuman registration act" in this. This is the one of the main plots of the fi...

In 2008 J.J. Abrams released a film called "Cloverfield", a found footage film about a handful of New York residents surviving a giant monster attack. If you could get past the shaky-camera potentially giving you motion-sickness, and the fact that digital video cameras don't work the way the do in the film, it was very enjoyable. I personally really liked it. At the end of the film two particular things happened: The US military drop a nuclear bomb on the monster, but audio at during the credits indicate that the monster survived the assault. ( Though Abrams says it didn't ... ffs.) A scene from Cony Island before the monster attack show something falling from the sky into the ocean. From the ARG and the spin-off manga , we know that this was a satellite that woke up the sleeping sea monster in the first place. Now, 8 years later, we get another film - "10 Cloverfield Lane". That wasn't always the film's name. The initial script was called ...

On a similar note to the Souls games, Dragon's Dogma has had a PC re-release. Not only that, but it's a  really good port , and I even have the graphics card Eurogamer tested it on. It should run beautifully on my computer. Apparently Capcom have said that if it does well, they might consider bringing Dragon's Dogma Online to the west. While I don't particularly care about, and largely dislike MMOs, more of this franchise is a very pleasant thought. Hell, maybe if it does well, Capcom will finally finish Deep Down? I really like the look of that one. I never actually finished Dragon's Dogma when I had it on the 360 - the endgame difficulty, combined with my desire to 100% every game, resulted in me getting frustrated and a bit bored. It is a fantastic game, with some flaws. However, since I already bought it upon it's initial release, got the expansion pack, and I have both via Playstation Plus, I'm hesitant to pay £30 for it on the PC. I really ...